Who Knew?

When I was younger (say, up to 30), I didn't expect to live with pain on a daily basis. I saw my parents coping with arthritis, and know that my father retired at 62 instead of 65 due to the pain of arthritis in his shoulders. I didn't ever think that I would suffer similar conditions because I was young and strong, and that "just wouldn't be me".

Fast forward to my 71st year and I am set straight by my own medical conditions. I'm fairly active, like to travel, and I'm very independent. At least, I was all those things. It's become different now, as the joints in my hands are more painful, more often, and lack strength, reducing the smallest activities, like opening a jar (that has already been opened!), doing a puzzle (my fingers have become clumsy), gardening, holding a book,etc. to ones of strain and stress. My spine is affected, and so bending over (how many times do we do that in a day?) is painful, as is carrying anything very heavy, carrying shopping bags, and lifting in general. And now my legs have become involved, with pain moving down the buttocks into the thighs due to the stenosis of the spine, affecting walking, getting up from a sitting position, entering and exiting a car, driving, opening heavy doors of buildings, movement on stairs, and even grooming the dog!

All of these annoyances truly affect my daily life in a way that I never could have expected. Who knew? I certainly didn't ever think ahead to this situation because I tended to live in the moment, as most of us do. I didn't plan for, in my case, arthritis, or for it to worsen in severity and pain, and beginning to restrict activities in my life. It brings many different feelings with it, including resentment, worry, anger, self-pity, frustration, inadequecy, weakness, and insecurity. For the first time I begin to wonder how long I will be able to maintain my independence, to live on my own, and to make my own decisions about my well-being. And I don't like it! I have to ask for help much more often and be gracious about it. I have to realize that there are some activities I will never do again. I have to ACCEPT my new limitations, and I need to tell people that some things are now too difficult, or that I'm in pain.

In retrospect, I realize that I am very privileged, I live in a wonderful and free country, I have many opportunities, I have an adequate income, and live in my own home. My pain is much less than many people. Yet it's all relative to my own experience so it's easy to forget comparisons.

Meditations can be helpful, especially in falling asleep. Reading current literature is something that helps me also. And staying social is huge! Often it's too easy to beg off and not attend a group, or occasion, or outing with friends, so I work on this to make sure I stay involved socially with friends. I always feel better afterward. It helps me to feel "normal".