That was Then... This is Now
My dad says to me, as I reach down to tie up his shoes, “Bet you didn’t think you would ever have to tie my shoes, help me to the bathroom, or sit with me by my hospital bed?” (That was the evening when the ambulance took dad to the hospital after he had a fall in his room at the Senior home – slicing his ear open and fracturing his pelvis)
I say, “No, dad – I always thought you and mom would be around forever and never get old.”
My parents always were there. “Watch the speed limit!” as I drove them to an appointment. "You are working too hard!" when I would stop in for a visit on my way home from work. “I will be telling you what to do until the day I die!” And my mom did. The tables were turned and I became the caregiver.
The role reversal is odd because I already raised my two sons. Even though my dad is in a Care Facility, I am still involved as his caregiver. Now, before we get in the car, “Dad, did you go to the bathroom before we head to the city for your appointment?”
I have learned a lot about patience, about my parents, but mostly about myself. There were a number of things that went well and some that didn't along our journey, but perhaps I can give you some tips to get you through this time and improve your experience, should you be dealing with aging parents now or in the future.
First of all, Get Organised - There will be doctor appointments, home care, wills, bills and lots of correspondence. Find yourself a filing box and start labeling folders so you can keep track of all the papers.
Secondly, be sure to Communicate - Let "your people" know what is going on. Have that list of names and numbers of nurses, Home Care workers, doctors, hospice workers, church ladies and your parent’s friends and relatives to keep everyone in the loop. Ask questions and share that information. Keep the positives going by sharing feelings, stories, responsibilities, tasks, and hugs.
Thirdly, Form a Team - Surround yourself with friends and family. If people want to bring meals over, help clean out the condo or house to move parents, give words of encouragement or support or share memories or words of love, let them. Never be afraid to ask for help. That goes with the communication.
Fourthly, Assess Needs - Jobs need to be done; decisions need to be made. How much care do your parents need? When is the right time to move to a safer environment or a hospice or nursing home? What can your parents afford? No one wants be a burden and don’t get frustrated trying to figure it all out. Do your homework and...
Make a Plan – Don’t wait until you are in the middle of your circumstances. From downsizing to checking out Senior Homes. From making decisions about living arrangements to funerals. At some point, you will have to make choices and having things in place will take a weight off all your shoulders. Include your parents and siblings in the decision-making process to relieve tensions later on. Remember – you are all in this together! Be PROactive!
Finally, Laugh, Live Kindly and Love – Tell those stories, gather those memories, look at those photos, share your time together and make history, but most importantly, be patient, kind to yourself and others. When you are frustrated – take a walk. Have a laugh. Last, but not least, demonstrate your love to your loved ones because we too will be there someday. After all, I am over 60!
