He ain't heavy...he's my brother

When my brother had his 3rd cancer operation in November of 2017 his family remained hopeful that the wonderful team of specialists and nurses would finally be able to remove the ever growing sarcoma from his groin. The surgeons did their very best; he lost a kidney, a testicle, had bowel removed and a colostomy bag placed. The sarcoma had wrapped around one artery and they gave us the news that despite their heroic efforts... they did not get it all.  He had many transfusions, swelling, and was very ill.  After 3 weeks in hospital he left the hospital on foot. My brother had many more things he wanted to do in this life so he left on the arm of his wife and with the support of his family and friends.

After 2 months he ended up back in hospital and was given 3 weeks or less to live.

Being in a 2 person room on the fifth floor of the hospital was the worst experience for him and his family. The nurses were run off their feet and could not keep up with the patient loads they had to give good nursing care. We, as a family, took care of many of his needs and someone was with him day and night, often sleeping in an uncomfortable chair squished into a corner.  We often had to tell the nurse that his bag needed changing, or that he needed more pain medications.

His doctor of 20 years did not have hospital privileges and we were introduced to the new ( and many ) different hospitalists. We asked his family doctor to advocate for him to be placed in the palliative care unit in the hospital and he said he did not have any of those rights, and his hands were tied.

 Please please change this policy! Who would know better about his life to date but his family physician?

All my brother wanted was to say goodbye to family and friends - we could not cramp more than two people in per visit.

Finally, he was accepted into the palliative care unit at Nanaimo hospital. The experience took a 360 degree turn for the better!

Upon reaching his beautiful room and bed, he was greeted with a volunteer asking him what he would like to drink - a berry smoothie or a banana smoothie?

 The nurse greeted his wife, sister, and cousin and set up sleeping accommodation for his wife next to him and we could stay in the visitor's room. We were informed that he could even have his dog in the room with him and that made him smile widely!

The whole experience ( sadly only 5 days) made those last days of his life easier - we all felt so much gratitude for the loving care we all received upon arrival and to the end . We did not have to ask for a nurse to come even once - until the very end and she came running.  

Treated with respect, and loving care my brother said he was not afraid of dying but asked only that he not be in pain...he got his wish and  passed away with his close family and some outstanding nurses  surrounding him.

After the ceremony of life many of us wanted to donate to the palliative care unit in my brother's memory.  We were told that any donations would go to the hospital and portions of it would be used by the palliative care unit.

We would, as a family, like that policy to change. If our donations went to the palliative care unit being expanded and more available to those families in their last days on earth that is where we would put our monies.

In no way is this a reflection on the overworked overloaded nurses on the wards, because I suspect they would like to give that same kind of care that the palliative nurses give... but cannot.

Please please make palliative care to dying people available to everyone with a terminal diagnosis  so that they can pass through this life as comfortable as possible.

With gratitude,

Patricia