A family member and also a health care provider

A little about me: I'm an allied health provider that works in long term care/palliative care at an academic teaching hospital. Despite being in an area that might be considered "resource rich" there are still some barriers to quality palliative/end-of-life care related to knowledge, education, skills, etc. There is limited academic preparation for allied health providers in the area of palliative care. As such, I've taken it upon myself to try to improve the state of palliative care in my own little corner of the world and as best I can. I've been fortunate in having opportunities (and support) to lead/participate in quality improvement projects and have predominantly been focusing on palliative/end-of-life care. This has been a wonderful opportunity to grow my own skills, but more importantly, to tackle an area of practice that is not "standard" to many allied health workers.

I also recently experienced the death of a relative due to advanced cancer. What I found challenging here was balancing my role as a family member (not one who was a substitute decision-maker) with what I knew as a healthcare provider. When my relative was diagnosed, the cancer was already stage IV (the relative didn't use that word, but knowing what they told me of where it had spread to, I knew it was). I felt torn between my wish to prepare my family for what was to come and the wish to not "remove hope" or burden people with the same knowledge I had. I felt it wasn't my place to tell people what it meant that the cancer had already spread to where it had (again, I'm somewhat extended family, although we are all close) and also felt like telling them might not change the outcomes...In the end, my family member remained capable of participating in healthcare decisions, so it was easy to know that wishes were being respected. Sometimes I wonder what I would have done if that hadn't been the case, and if knowing what I knew when I knew it would have helped any of my other family members...